Showmance!

So, I got a part in a local production of a Broadway musical and I am having the time of my life!

I have been doing musicals since high school and I know there are many components that a show would not be complete with out and the showmance is one of them.

I have never had a showmance, I was a weird kid in high school and I also wasn't really allowed to date. I was an expert at having the show-friend...that turned into the show-crush. And boy did I crush.

There was Friedrich my freshman year and it was ridiculous. I think I crushed on him until college and believe me, I staked my claim. Recently, I found out a friend of mine had a crush on him (and may have actually had a chance with him), but did not act on it for fear of, well, me. Friedrich and I ended up being really good friends all through high school and talked on the phone every night and he took me to Winter dance my junior year (which was on my 16th birthday...the first day I could officially have a date!) and he was a great dancer. Wait; now that I think of it...is Friedrich gay? I might have to find out; I haven't talk to him in at least ten years.

There was a new one every fall with the school musical, I used to think it was because I went to an all girls high school and that was when I got to interact with guys so I may have lost my mind with all the crushes, but now that I am in a musical as an adult, I understand the showmance (and the unrequited show-crush) are inevitable.

And even though I am less weird and am allowed to date, I feel like I am back in high school.

His name is Brad and he is a good looking man. Very good looking. And my God, that voice. It is so deep and awesome and he sings country music.

Country music!

My friends know that I have always wanted a cowboy and I just started listened to country music again (another thing broken by Ralph-gate) and I really couldn’t be more excited to hear him sing anything with a twang!

At 24, he is eight years younger than me (he didn't get a joke I made about hanging Chads and the 2000 election and I realized that he was twelve and I was a senior in college.), but I did the math and half my age plus seven is 23 so I am technically not trying to rob the cradle and even if I were, I have a feeling he would be a willing accomplice. After weeks of trying not to get caught staring and figuring out a way to start a conversation, he walked into my store in the mall (I have a second job now) and because my guard was down for a moment I may have squealed and given him a hug. I had never had a conversation with him before that and I definitely broke the ice...in the most embarrassing way possible. He didn't seem to mind, we made small talk, I helped him with what he needed and he left. We have been flirting ever since.

As you well know, I have no luck with guys. For some reason I am “just friends” material and no matter how much I think (or everyone else around me feels) a guy might like me, it never works so I know that I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

But it is so hard not to when he always wants to be next to me and sits real close and flashes that thousand watt smile in my direction. It also doesn’t help that our flirting is super conspicuous and all the teens in the show are starting to talk.

High school doesn’t end. No matter how old you are.

It was just the other day that I got asked by a freshman if Brad and I were dating and it was the day after that was asked by a senior if were “an item.” All of the teens are very curious and they have started watching our every move and they are waiting for something. What for exactly, I am not sure. All I know is that when I am backstage, I have several pairs of adolescent eyes on me and it would be a little unnerving if it weren’t so funny. Two of the youth I serve are in the musical and I think one of them has a crush on him too.

To answer your question, yes. It is a bit awkward completing with one of my teens for a guys attention. That really should be a red alert, but I am totally ignoring it and pushing through.

Anyway, Brad found out that we are considered a super couple by all of the adolescent cast members. It was then that he jokingly asked, “How excited are you?” and I was all “I was about to ask you the same thing. I know that I am always a part of something awesome, you’re just along for the ride.” We both laughed and continued our conversation and I acted like the answer I kept inside doesn’t go something like this:

“Excited? Hells yeah, I’m excited! I always wanted to be a part of a super couple! What do you think our name will be? How about Bainie? Or Lad? Wait! I got it: Mac Braddy! We’ll go with Mac Braddy! What do you think?”

Please don’t try to commit me, I promise I won’t say any of that out loud.

OK, I am fully aware that what Brad and I have is not exactly a showmance, but I know that he is just as excited to see me as I am to see him every night so I know this can’t be one sided.

I also know that this will have to end soon and I am totally debating about making a move (I know, I know, but screw the rules!) before next weekend.  Trixie (new friend!) wondered if I was worried that I would ruin my friendship with him. My answer: Nope. We really don’t have a relationship outside of our backstage (and sometimes Facebook) flirting and that will most likely be over closing night if he doesn’t like me anyway. So no, I am not worried and I think I will take the risk!

…or not.  

What do you think?

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t understand boys now and I didn’t understand them when I was Brad’s age so good luck to me.

Help!