Fuck You, Katherine Hiegl!

You're not an idiot.

I am sure when you read the title of this post, you realized that I am probably not having a good day, but before I get to my hatred of Ms. Heigl, I want to give a shout-out to my old roommate, Lily.

When I would go on one of my rants or was having a bad day, she was always there for me. For the two years we lived together, she gave me more support than I could have asked for. No joke, I would have been on the street and starving and would have had to take care of myself when I was sick if it weren't for her.

So I thought about her a lot today, because she would have joined in my bad mood for solidarity's sake, I am sure that she does not have anything against Katherine Heigl, but she would have for me and that's why I love her.

I also want to give her a shout-out because just got engaged!! To a tall Asian man!!

Congratulations to Lily and Mr. Ming!

May your first child be a masculine child!

And now for the main event:

So, you may know that my preferred form of stress relief is thrift store shopping. It is equal parts green and economical which makes it completely awesome!

I went to two different Goodwill stores today. I now am the proud owner of more wicker baskets than my grandmother.

When that didn't work, I reverted to my old ways.

My junior year of college, my neighbors knew I was stressed when I started rearranging the furniture in my dorm room. I had a single and was working hard to make the Dean's list.

My room got changed around a lot.

I am going to take a moment to inform you that my couch is in my office, my desk in the dining room and my dresser is in the living room.

Clearly I am not in a good place.

The sad thing is that I can't really pin point exactly what set me off and when, but I know this past week was really weird for me. While I should have been focused on the death and resurrection of our Lord, I was worried about Lainie problems.

Problem friendships, reading Tess of the d'Urbervilles without realizing it was a tragedy,a bad case of missing my family and an even worse case of Ralph withdrawal.

And to top it off, One Tree Hill ended.

In the time I should have been reflecting on what this Lent meant for me, I kept thinking of past Lents and Ralph.

I don't know what started it, but I had this crazy flood of memories of Triduums past and it was all I could do to keep it together while singing at all of the masses.

Then today, I woke up completely pissed that hadn't really settled into my apartment and the fact I'd just unpacked my office yesterday.

Yesterday!

I have lived here for seven months.

What have I been waiting for?

I think I know though I have been afraid to admit it.

I have been waiting for Ralph to come get me.

He's not coming.

And I think I have to live here now.

I blame myself, I watch way too many romantic comedies and I fancy myself the leading lady in my own life and I always relate to the heroines, especially those played by one Ms. Katherine Heigl.

I am headstrong, a work-aholic that needs Gerard Butler to show me the error of my ways, the perpetual bridesmaid and a snazzy dresser with awesome hair. Other important things to keep in mind, I am a huge klutz (though that never works in my favor) and I always have a plucky sidekick on hand.

If art imitates life, then how am I still dealing with all of this? By the end of the movie we have moved ahead six months and after both characters have grown, they find their way back to each other and life is great.

I have been here seven months and life's still kicking my ass.

I am a woman in my thirties so I should know that although art imitates life, the reverse is not realistic. Yes, it would be cool to have someone hold a boom box over their head to get my attention, but Ralph doesn't own a trench coat and probably has no idea who Peter Gabriel is so that's out.

As I was placing furniture in inappropriate rooms, I kept thinking about the fact that I made a joke of moving here because some boy broke my heart, but now I have to ask myself if that is completely true. And I find myself having to admit two things.

One, that it is absolutely true and two, my mother was right: I can be quite melodramatic

If you tell her, I will deny it 'til my dying day.

No matter the circumstance, I know that I am supposed to be here and that Terre Haute, IN has a specific purpose in my life and I am just going to roll with it, I just can't believe I let Katherine Heigl trick me into thinking that we were the same.

Her characters get to be blissfully happy and I have to move my couch back into the living room. So fuck you, Katherine Heigl and I hope you know the folks downstairs aren't that happy with you either!