Saturday, May 12, 2012

Lost and Found


Good Riddance, I say

So glad it’s out of my life and is never coming back.

Thanks to  the skillful hands of Dr. Guinn at Union Hospital here in Terre Haute and I am less one gall bladder.

Although I didn’t know it, the story of my gall bladder goes back at least two (maybe four) years. I would wake up in the middle of the night violently ill. I used to blame it on having too much dairy, but knew it was a problem when I it was happening when I didn’t even look at a cow!

 It got to the point when my old roommate, Lily would wake up with me when I was sick and start the tea kettle and made sure I had everything I needed to make this episode pass easier.

I cannot say it enough; I really love and miss you, Lily.

I went back and forth to the doctor and nothing. I never found out what was wrong with me. One told me I had acid reflux and another told me I was just really fat.

That was the one that annoyed me the most. I had just lost 40 pounds and I didn’t have to shop in the plus size section anymore!

Bitch.

After years of living in a city with world renowned hospitals, all I had to do go into a Terre Haute emergency room crying about a tummy ache and I was diagnosed in less than two hours.

Sassy, upon driving me back from the doctor that morning, had to laugh. “Some people,” she said, “leave Terre Haute for medical answers. You moved here and found them.”

That is so me. I always manage to find things where I least expect them.

My family decided to come down for two days to start my recovery off right complete with my 72 year old grandmother, Nannie, who was insisting on staying for two weeks. My mom cooked more meals than I could possibly eat, my uncle hung things on the wall that I didn’t have the tools to. And bless his heart, my super cute five year old brother managed to lift my spirits…while getting his toys and popcorn all over my apartment.

After they left (my plan to fake my speedy recovery worked and Nannie went home with the rest of the fam), I had a steady stream of Hautians in my apartment.

It started about an hour after my family left when Sassy and the kids set up camp for the night. Luke and Layla have been itching to sleep on my porch since I redid it the weekend I started actually living here (still haven’t forgiven KH, but I am a little less mad). They brought their sleeping bags and everything. It was super cute!

When I woke up the next morning, Trish (the co-worker formerly known as “the coworker known as Pat”) was in my house ready to look out for me. I wanted to watch a movie (totally fell asleep because of the drugs) and I insisted I go on a walk as I had gotten valuable Facebook advice from a high school classmate that it would be good for me.

Trish was having none of it.

Not only did she tell me no, she told Legs (Sassy’s sitter that I met once or twice before) that I couldn’t when she came to relieve her. I had to settle for watching another movie and starting a picture sorting project I had been putting off for years. Productive, but I wanted to move.

I thought for sure that I would get my way when Maddie from work came by around noon. Legs set her straight before I could work my magic only to find out Trish already let her know about my dastardly plan to live a life in motion.

Completely exhausted with my morning sitting, I took a nap for the whole afternoon (drugs are awesome) and I awaited Patty. I figured that she loves me and she does PT. She would let me go on a safe assisted walk.

Maddie got to her before I could wake up and because she does PT, Patty saw the merit in my Trish-imposed restriction.

As a consolation, she brought all of her jewelry making tools and I now I have an earring and necklace set to go with my cellulite and maybe a sundress or two. Her husband and son also came by in the evening and brought me dinner. It wasn’t until I was alone in my apartment that I realized that I had not really been alone for days and though I wasn’t sure I handled it well.

I had enough food in the fridge and flowers in every room of the house. For real. I heart flowers and am considered having something removed next week so the flowers Izzy (who now calls me Gallsie) and her boys got me don’t have a chance to die!

Kidding, of course. Recovery is no joke,

This evening Sassy and the kids took me on my first walk and I was pretty winded after a half an hour. I am officially ambulatory-ish and I can say that it has been a good recovery.

I can also say that I am glad I had everyone in my face the first few days because I know me and I would have overdone it…much like I did today while I was on my own. In my mission to rid my apartment of kernels, I found that I use my abdomen to do just about anything.

That is so me. Always finding things where I least expect them.

And now, because the doctors discovered what was wrong with me, I found out I still had family in town long after my relatives went home.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Pre-surgery

In 15 minutes I am going to have my gall bladder removed. After two years of intense stomach pain, I moved to Terre Haute and I got medical  answers...figures. 
I am sitting in the hospital holding court basking in my Lainie -ness cracking up the staff.
Sassy is recording my one-liners and they are zingers!  The OR is taking me away now....so goodbye!
Look at her hat!


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Zumba! Zumba! Zumba!



I had heard of Zumba before coming to Terre Haute and I had heard that it was the best in the world that has been “sweeping the nation,” at least that is what the infomercial said.  It is basically an adult version of hip hop dance class and it is no joke.

Zumba is not a hip hop class, it is technically Brazilian and if my skills in the Socratic Method aren’t rusty. I believe that it will make everyone beautiful and thin and awesome. Because anything that has the word “Brazilian” in front of it has to do just that!

For a town that is not as progressive as I am used to, there is a lot of Zumba! You can’t go 3 miles without seeing some place advertising Zumba. It is everywhere! Gyms, dance studios, schools and church basements. I have never been to a class and I had more than ample opportunity to try it and Jo from work finally cornered me (in a good way!) to go with her.

Jo is a bit older than my mom and has grown kids probably around my age so I was expecting a class full of middle aged white women looking for a bit of culture along with their workout.

I was right, but they weren’t the only ones.

I was also surprised at how many people there that were my age! There were people of all different shapes and sizes and ages. I couldn’t believe it! Our instructors were a 40-something Pilipino woman and a gay man in his thirties!

I have been searching far and wide for diversity in Terre Haute just to go and find it at the Ultimate Fitness behind the mall!

There I was swinging my hips and breaking a sweat with the same goal as these other women: to find my inner sexy!

Now I understand why these classes are so popular here. There aren’t many things to make you feel conventionally beautiful here. The market for beauty products is minimal here, evidenced in the lack of an Ulta, Sephora or a MAC Counter. At Zumba, I felt like I was bringing sexy back all on my own and all it cost me was $5!

I normally have to laugh when white women dance, but this time I was impressed. Jo, a woman that normally would let her self-consciousness win out over stepping out her comfort zone was swinging her hips!

The very large woman next to me was moving like Shakira learned from her and she was  taking on clients!

And me?

Well, let’s just say that I was Jennifer Lopez. Not J. Lo, I am talking circa 1991 breaking it down with Carrie Ann Inaba. (What? I’m black; my family watched In Living Color on Sunday nights!)

I had been having a crappy couple of days. I  was super busy at work and I haven’t been sleeping well because of stomach issues. Zumba, it seems is a much bigger stress relief than thrift stores, furniture rearranging and sharing a bottle of wine with Sassy—although I don’t need to be stressed to do the latter!

Yes, I know exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy, I learned that from Elle Woods ten years ago. This was different.

This was a sisterhood.

A sisterhood of sexiness and sweat…with a gay man thrown in for good measure.

Dear Zumba ,Even though you worked me, I had a blast, I will be back and I think I wanna have your babies. Love, Lainie