Lessons

The other day Lewis messaged me on Facebook.

We hadn't talked in a while and I it was good to see him pop up on chat. I was just kind of worried that he's read my original post about him and all the others that let me get away. He asked how I was and I asked him the same to which he replied : "AWESOME! I am in love!"

It's kind of a safe bet that he had not read my blog. Well, or he was just being an asshole, but he's not a bad guy so I'm gonna go with the former.

We had a nice chat, turns out he brought a ring, asked her parents for their blessing, made a dinner reservation and he is going to propose soon. I could just feel the giddiness as it made its way through cyberspace.

Then I understood. He had good news and he wanted to share it with his friend. Back in the old days, he could not get good news to me fast enough. I was always the first to know and the most excited. This time was no different and I had to smile.

After my congratulations, he messaged me back and said "you are an amazing person, you taught me so much about life, I pray you continue to walk God's path." He then went on to tell me he and his fiancee go to church together, something we used to do and he sometimes didn't see the point. I remember trying to show him the God in everything and asking him to trust God until I was blue in the face and sometimes I thought it would never take.

I am glad to see it finally did.

I found myself thinking about what Lewis taught me. And all I got was football. Football and how to keep score at a baseball game. Not bad things to take away from a relationship, too bad they will ensure I am one of the guys for life.

Sad thing is, Lewis was not my only student.

Thom was my upstairs neighbor and we met July 3rd, 2008. I know the date because I came to find my apartment had been robbed and after the police left, he walked me to the bar not far from our building and bought me a drink...or four.

He and I became friends quickly, we were always at one an other's apartments and we would wait until the other got home and we would spend every moment together until one of us got tired enough to go to our own apartment.

Then we started having sleepovers.

Before your mind goes there, they were legit sleepovers. We just slept in the same bed, not quite like Dawson and Joey (we actually touched), but we weren't "sleeping together." I have no idea how to explain it, but we were in some highly dysfunctional codependent relationship. He was an alcoholic and I was super vulnerable due to both Ralph and Barry drama and I really liked being held.

I knew that we weren't headed anywhere good so I decided that I needed to move and Thom did not take the news well. He yelled, cried, cursed and threw things. I mentioned that this would be a good opportunity for us to get some perspective and we would remain friends...just not as close. He had a hard time saying goodbye and we may have fallen into old ways over the next few months until everything came to a head when he told me that he loved me (I pretended that I only understood it to be just friends and he never corrected me) and then kissed me a month later after a friends wedding.

After the awkward kiss, we (meaning me) opted to hang out in public places and we would take the "L" to our own apartments and eventually we didn't stay in touch as much and blazed our own trail to stability. He really needed to get it together and I always had it in the back of my mind that if he wasn't quite so alcoholic we would actually have a shot, but I wasn't holding my breath.

Good thing too, he just got married and he seems super happy.

How? How did he get stable enough to get married when I was the one who was stable enough to end things? I don't get it and I am sure that I never will.

I was just talking to someone about this and she kind of mentioned that I am the embodiment of that push someone needs to get things together. That as failed and doomed as my past relationships have been, the guys get something out of it that helps them become better.

And I get nothing.

In retrospect, I got sports knowledge from Lewis,sympathy beers and company from Thom and a large bruise on my ass from constantly kicking myself from the five years I wasted on Ralph.

I guess I shouldn't feel so bad, I keeping worrying that there is something wrong with me and I realize that there is something a little too right.

Lainie Mac, here to serve.

Maybe what I get out of it all is the hard lessons to take me into my next awkward and screwed up non-relationship. This is like some weird relationship reincarnation life cycle that will eventually end with me having everything I need in place for when I finally meet "him."

Until that happens, this is my purpose.

I am the girl that takes your crap and sets you up for success with the one you're supposed to be with.
Lewis is getting married to the girl of his dreams.
Thom is married to the girl of his dreams.
And Ralph?
 Ralph is in a major bromance with Jesus.

Yep, I'm just that good.