In know there are about 70,000 people in Terre Haute and it is impossible to truly be alone. But I gotta tell ya, sometimes it is hard not to feel like the last of the timelords especially when I have seemed to travel somewhere else in time and space by moving here.
For those of you who are not cool enough to know about Doctor Who, I am sorry that you have not reached fulfillment in your life and I will try to keep Doctor-related references to a miniumum until you log onto Neflix and watch the new series (from 2005) because it is awesome!
OK, where was I? Thats right, last of the timelords! Coming to Terre Haute from the city I am just as alien to these people as they are to me. Their way of being is so different than my own that I need others to know the things I can't seem to get off my mind:
- They have couches...on the front porch...on purpose. Not lawn furniture. Actual, Couches. Some of them are even sofa beds. When I moved her my couch did not fit in my apartment (a sad story that is still too painful to tell because I really love my old couch and that was the only thing that I truly wanted from my old life. Sigh.) and Marge, one of the ladies I work with said "I have a couch you can have, it is just sitting on my porch!" Thinking that I had to beat the Salvation Army to this couch I was like load me up today! She looked at me all confused and was like "No, it's my porch couch. We were thinking about getting a new one anyway so it is all yours." I already accepted this couch and I could not refuse it now and once it was in my apartment I braced myself for any and all critters that I would find. By the time I was done beating and disinfecting the couch (that has a sofa bed, btw) to my own satisfaction I am pretty sure that I had Angela Bassett arms and slould have considered buying stock in Lysol.
- They accept checks in good faith. I was at a street fair last week and I was looking for an ATM because being a street fair it was cash only and one of the women looked at me me like I was stupid and said "You can write a check." I told her my check book was home and she and her booth partner exchanged glances that seemed to say "Who is this chick? Doesn't she know she's at a street fair?" And responded with a look of my own that was like "Who are you people? Don't you know that you are at a street fair and people can just rip you off?" That's not even the worse part, Sassy wrote a check for something and they didn't even ask for her ID! I don't know any place besides my landlord that you can write a check and they will accept it without ID, mother's maiden name, figerprints and an ounce of blood. How? How are these people so trusting? ...or am I just jaded?
- Everybody knows Geoff (I decided to spell his name that way-I think it suits him better) and just about everyone else I work with so when in public, I have to speak to Sassy in code. 1991: That was the year I learned pig latin and I pretty sure I haven't used it since. As they say, "just like riding a bike!"
- They still have mom and pop banks. This is not neccesarily a bad thing, but when I moved here I realized that I need a new bank because mine was only in three states that did not include Indiana. With a heavy heart, I decided that I was finally going to have to join the rest of the baking world and go with Chase because they are taking over the universe. After a Google search, I realize the nearest one is about 60 miles away. I'm sorry, what? It's not on the next corner or the one after that? I never thought that I would crave that blue logo as much as I did in that moment. It was then that I realized I was getting farther away from the life I have known for more than thirty years. I mean, yay for Terre Haute staying true to itself and not having a Chase, but damn! Can't I have anything to count on? In my quest to find a bank that I could have in my hometown and this town, I ended up with the bank in Walmart. Walmart! I am a lot of things, but a Walmart shopper is not one of them which brings me to my next point...
- They have two (TWO!) Walmarts...and no Target. I don't know if I am able to elaborate on this topic because I still can't find the words to communucate my dismay and sadness. When I tell people that there is no Target here, I watch them flinch, compose themselves and then comfort me. Excuse me...I need a moment to collect myself.[insert Mariah Carey's "Without You" here] OK, i'm back.
- Mom jeans, All the rage. Get yours today! Seriously, mom jeans are selling like hotcakes here! At least I think so because that is what most people are wearing. That and turtlencks. Not the cute cowl neck ones or even the black artsy ones, just the plain ones paired with mom jeans that you buy from (you guessed it...) Walmart! I don't know why, but I really thought that mom jeans were not made anymore. I honestly thought that the fashion council outlawed any further production of tapered jeans with pleats on the top.
OK, I have just received intel that although mom jeans have been outlawed, the citizens of Terre Haute exiled all of the fashion police within city limits and had it written into the city's bylaws that tapered, pleated , relaxed fit and other jeans designed to make your ass look wider are perfectly acceptable to wear to a soccer game, a barbeque, work, doctor's appontments and fundraisers that are $100 a pop. Not kidding on the last one, I was there!
- I believe all of the other black people are in hiding. No joke! Everytime I am out and about it is just me and a bunch of white folks. There are those random times where I do see black people and both of us are giddy with excitement but we try to mask it with a very controlled nod or quick and meaningful eye contact. When I first moved here I was convinced that I was the only black person within city limits, but I found some at the Denny's on 3rd where several of my like-melonined people were both working and dining...and I went three times my first week here. Sometimes they pop out when I least expect it like at mass! Or at opportune moments like when my car ran out of gas 100 yards from the gas station and they pushed me the rest of the way there. I am now on a mission. I have to find a way to discover the hiding places of all the black people in Terre Haute coax them into the light and join me at the Denny's where we can be with our people.
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