Not nervous in the way you would normally think, he doesn’t stammer and wet his pants the moment I walk by the way I am sure my old boss did (yes, I do have that effect on people). I just think he doesn’t know how to take me and that makes him nervous. That may have something to do with the fact that I met him on my second interview for the position, he approved my hire and went on a four month leave of absence.
It has been kind of…amusing getting to know him and figure out where he fits in now that I am settled and have learned the ropes without his help. From what I have observed, be likes to be large and in charge which may be a problem because though I may not be large (losing weight, thank you), I am certainly in charge. Maybe not on paper, but I believe run this (“this” applies to anything of which I am involved) and everyone else had better recognize.
Once Jeff got back, he immediately tried to tell me how to do things and explain procedures that I have had no problem understanding for the last three and a half months. That and the fact that there is nothing he can do for me that I can’t already do for myself are other reasons I think I make him nervous. He may not know where he stands with me if he doesn't have the power to control what kind of worker I am. His fault. I didn't tell him to up and leave so I could establish myself (big city ways and all) within the organization. Now that he's back, he has to get to know the me people have been used to for the past three months. I'm not radical or anything (well, not to me), but in the few weeks prior to his return, people have been dropping little hints that Jeff will have some adjusting to do in regards to my personality (equal parts Patti Simcox and Cha Cha DiGregorio), my approach to stubborn people (I usually advise others to stick their foot up their hind parts to promote mobility...in a manner of speaking) and fun in the workplace (more, please!).
It's been fun as he tries to figure me out. There was the the day I wore red lipstick to our first one on one meeting and I had to watch him not focus on it. The same for last night when I wore super fun pink lipstick (Milani Lip Flash-they have the best colors!) when I met with our department’s board last night to talk about my current projects.I’m not being unprofessional in my lipstick choices; they actually look very nice and are balanced with hardly any eye makeup and a sensible outfit. They just add that something extra that most people here aren’t used to having.
Today I was talking to Pat in her office updating her about my life (she didn’t know about Ted!) and sharing my theory about how I make Jeff nervous when he walks in (with no way of having heard me) on his way to a meeting when he spies my shoes (3-inch black Madeline Stuart platform stiletto Mary Janes-the strap totally makes them work appropriate)immediately gets flustered and manages to spit out “I-I think you need to add a few more inches to those shoes.” I am sure his tone was meant to be laced with sarcasm (or possibly ridicule), but I just responded "I just might." He then took a breath and stammered while asking Pat to borrow a pen for his meeting (he couldn't think of the word so he just pointed at her desk). OK, I guess I do make him stammer…I just hope I don’t make him wet himself. That. Would be embarrassing.
Before you start to suggest obvious reasons why I make him nervous, you should know that this man is so priestly it is not even funny so that is not an option. (I know what you are thinking, Chesarae…so just stop!)
I just think that I am so different from just about everyone in Terre Haute that the shock of me is no new for him that I might have to endure his uncertainty and confusion well into the New Year. My only hope is that he actually takes the time to get to know me beyond the lipstick and the heels and realize made a good choice in hiring me and that maybe I am exactly what Terre Haute and our organization needs. For starters, I bake awesome peppermint cookies that I am bringing to the Christmas party next week and aside from my knowledge, experience and the compassion needed to do my job well, I have potential to open others up to new things. I mean, I can probably single-handedly stimulate the economy here with the cosmetic and shoe sales I am sure to inspire, and being the best dancer at St. Bernadette’s I can teach everyone the Hand Jive.
Doesn’t get any better than that, Jeff. You’d better recognize!
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