Flipped

I think my liturgical moods are flipped.

Lent is the best part of my year and Advent is always the most challenging.

I have said this before, in the time we are to be focusing on the death of Christ, I have the least amount of challenges and life hits a stride that doesn't get broken for a while and if it does, something gets me back on track and all is well.

Until Advent rolls around.

I don't know what it is, but I have a hard time feeling that God is near and that the savior of the world will soon be here. Instead, I feel abandoned, bitter, and questioning the love of God.

To be honest I was having a hard time with things before Advent started. There were issues at work and I was rethinking my staying in the Haute until 2014 so it wasn't like I was skipping merrily along and the Advent Wreath of Doom came and slapped me in my face. I can acknowledge that I was already pretty sprained (if not broken) but I was moving along and making it happen and then he threw in the monkey wrench:

I saw Sister Felicia.

Sister Felicia is super famous in Terre Haute...among three of my friends. I talked about her and her wisdom all the time when I first got here that I am sure Sassy thinks she knows her just from my stories. She is someone from home and is always so lovingly honest and I would believe and do anything she tells me without question. God knows this and he uses this to his advantage from time to time.

When I saw her across the hotel lobby where our conference was being held, I could not believe it! At this really frustrating time in my life, I manage to see one of my favorite people and that was when I knew. I just felt it in my gut:

My world was going to be shaken up a bit.

I worked really hard not to burst into tears when I saw her. She was a friend! She was home to me! She has known me during major transitions in my life that have taken place over the past six years and I can't hide anything from her.

We had lunch and she let me have it.

She told me everything I knew in the back of mind that God was telling and brought it front and center. She let me cry into my napkin as we talked about Ralph (she knows him too), my life here, that guy I met and am not ready to talk about yet, our friend who died last year and other struggles in my life. 

Before she unleashed me back into the conference world (FUBARed and all), she gave me two "homework" assignments that have a deadline and I am not sure how I am going to deal with them, I don't know if I have it in me to make one of them happen, but I know better: Sister Felicia has spoken.

As I process all of this, rocked world and all, one thing she said has stuck with me. "I'm not worried about you, Lainie. You'll be fine. You're always fine." 

She's right. I always am. (Now I know how the Doctor feels.) Whether it feels like it or not, God is faithful to me and I will always come out fine.

Sister Felicia, I am gonna make you proud!

Bring on the Magnificat, I got this! 

I am ready to make this Advent my-well, you get the point.

I know I can see this through to the end and revel in the birth of Christ when the time comes, I don't know what will come of all of this; all I know for sure is that I am going to wait on the Lord.

If not for that, then why do we celebrate Advent?